every day growth

Spring always surprises me: the flowers thrusting out of still-cool soil to smile at the sun, sap rushing up the trees to turn small, hard brown buds into delicate green leaves.

Every year it seems to go from bud to leaf so quickly - it's as if I can watch the tree change every day. So this year I wanted to capture it. I took a photo of our backyard maple every day from April 28 onwards. And this is what happened:

Measurable, every day growth.

And I wanted that for myself. Do you too?

Cycles of rest followed by unbelievable growth. Remembering each year what it's like to grow, then then just instinctively doing it. No fear, no comparing myself with others' growth, just doing it because it's the right season.

I know there are scientific explanations for the growth and the timing of this growth, but I'd rather see it as a small miracle.

I wonder whether the tree reluctantly gives up its leaves in the fall to be still and asleep for months, knowing that a period of growth will come again, or if there is reluctance at each stage - including the growth.

As nature wakes up from its slumber and drinks this potent elixir of spring, I can easily imagine it has human qualities - and that sights such as singing and dancing trees are entirely possible. Sounds crazy, but this is where my imagination goes, especially in the spring. Maybe yours does too! Like in this verse:

"For you shall go out in joy, and be led back in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall burst into song, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands." Isaiah 55:12

I'd like to measure the expansion of my soul. Just to see if there's been any change. Whether there is every day growth - small signs that parts of me are bursting forth and expanding. But the hard thing about measurement is that I may just fear that I'm not enough - that I'm not growing enough, not stretching enough, not enough. Which isn't a great place to be.

So I want to be like the trees with their every day growth and seasons of rest, all the while leaning in to the grace that's out there for me to grab onto. Every day, grace-filled growth and rest.

sharing the faith

The other day, I looked out our front window, and this is what I saw:

you'll have to just imagine their animated faces :)

2 women, well-dressed with Bibles and pamphlets in hand, engaged in a spirited conversation with my neighbour. In a second, I knew they were Jehovah's Witness folk, and that they were trying to convince him (a Hindu) of something related to faith.

I've never been comfortable sharing my faith in such open (and uninvited?) ways. I took a year off after high school to spend time with a mission organization. I met a lot of great people, but the philosophy/mission was much different than my own. Evangelism was expected, and not just by our actions - using words to convince.

We were given several options of places where we could do the outreach portion of our time (for one month). I chose Morocco because we weren't allowed to do street evangelism there. We worked at an orphanage in Casablanca, and were told NOT to share our faith. I could gladly abide by these rules.

I'm not a marketer at the best of times, and selling my faith? I just can't seem to do it any other way than through my actions.

And door to door? Have you ever sold something door to door? Well, not me - not chocolate bars, magazine fundraisers, and certainly not my faith. And so I wonder: is my faith not strong enough? Do I not think there's a message worth sharing?

I heard this quote while studying at university, and it rang true for me. I still love it:

"Real religion does not give us final answers. It makes us ask better questions."  David Tracey, Catholic theologian

I do think that there is a message worth sharing, and I'm happy to try to put into words what I believe - when people ask.

And I'm happy to hear about others' faith - even (and sometimes especially!) if it is wildly different than my own. I love to engage in interfaith dialogue, and share faith in a kindergarten sense of the word - I give some to you, you give some to me. We share. Your faith influences, builds up, strengthens, and challenges, mine. And even changes me. And I hope to do the same for you.

5 minutes in a coffin

I was listening to this episode of Dispatches on CBC radio where they talked about the alarmingly high suicide rates in South Korea. One company is trying to combat this trend by staging mock funerals for its clients. The idea was that if you imagine you're dead, you'll have more reason to live.

It's an interesting idea. Each employee had a photo taken, then placed onto a coffin. They were to write their own eulogies - for some, this was a very moving assignment.

But here was the kicker - as part of this course, the participants spent 5 MINUTES IN A CLOSED COFFIN. It was a time to be quiet and to reflect, to spend some quality time alone.

And it made me wonder:

• what would I think about during those 5 minutes?
• would I come out a changed person, even in a small way?
• would I have a renewed sense of purpose, of why I'm here on this earth?
• if I was thinking of dying, would it make me want to live?

For the group featured, it seemed to be a moving experience. People emerged - hugging, laughing, and relieved. One man said he was lazy in his normal life and now wanted to push himself in new ways.

This blog was one of my goals/dreams for this year - to push myself in a new way. I don't have big goals like climbing Mount Everest, but even the small ones seem to take some courage and persistence.

Here are some other goals/dreams of mine:

• to sleep on a tropical beach and not worry about crabs
• to be fluent in French (I vowed not to marry until I was fluent in French, but that vow was broken in favour of another one)
• to some day, somehow be done sorting through the boxes of crap in our basement
• to get my wedding photos into an album before I'm 50
• to show love daily
• to be and become my self

A favourite quote by Mother Teresa:

"Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. 

Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal."

Do you have a wish list of things you want to do? New ways you want to expand/push yourself?

lessons from France

It's been exactly one year since we boarded a plane to return home from our sabbatical in France - on May 13, 2010. Even though we spent 4 short months there, several big life lessons (and some not-so-big) have continued to challenge us since our return. Here's my list of lessons from this time:

1. Nice boots and scarves can spruce up any outfit.
2. Hot drinks are best consumed from real mugs while sitting and visiting with others.
3. Seize the day! We love day trips where we've learned a bit about the area, and want to learn more about our local history in Canada.

on a Swiss day trip to the Chateau de Chillon

on an Ontario day trip to Crawford Lake
(we LOVE this place!)

4. Did your Mom ever say, "It's not a fashion show"? Well, in some parts of this world, it definitely is.
5. It is a very, very good feeling to be warmly welcomed to a new area.
6. We like the Canadian education system.
7. Long, relaxed meals are a wonderful thing. So is cheese for dessert.

cheese dessert plate

8. It's perfectly OK to stumble around in a language that's not your mother tongue.
9. It is good to slow down and rest.
10. Time away from internet and TV can be very productive.
11. Public transportation is a very good thing, especially when it is reliable, efficient, and Swiss.

playing on the dinosaur slide on
a Swiss train

12. Meeting more than once a week with a faith community/friends is a good thing.
13. It's refreshing to not be able to go Sunday shopping.
14. It is definitely worth it to buy quality chocolate and cheese.

sampling chocolates at the
Cailler chocolate factory

And you? Any life lessons you'd like to add to the list?

right here. right now.

Do you ever get tired of hearing that we should "live in the moment"? I feel like I hear it all the time, but it's a message that I need to hear because I haven't quite yet learned to master that art.

I watched this youtube clip about mindfulness:

and I wondered why Buddhism gets all the credit for the "living in the moment" philosophy. For me, it's very much part of the Christian message too, but one I often don't pay attention to. It's what I imagine Jesus to be like - living in the moment. And many hermits, monks, and nuns have writings that indicate this importance as well.

But I'd like to believe that it's attainable right here. Right now. Not just on a quiet spiritual retreat or secluded monastery, but in the thick of a full life - of lists and laundry and household chores and deadlines and showing love to others and caring for self.

How many times does Jesus say, "Don't be afraid"? So many. He must have known our tendency toward worry, toward fear, toward thinking ahead of ourselves, or thinking behind and re-hashing the past. I love these words:

"DO NOT WORRY about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these." Matthew 6:25-29

cardinal in our backyard last week

What a great time of year to look at birds and consider flowers and lessen worry and live right here, right now. I love using the camera to expand the moment - make it last just a little longer, and see details my hurried monkey mind would usually overlook. To be on the lookout for gratitudes instead of potential worries. To connect - to the spirit, to those around me, to me.

How about you? Do you need reminders to just "be"? How do you practice mindfulness/expanding the moment?

mommyfication

I was wondering when I started becoming a mom. And I think it might have been right about here:

watching my own mom mother me, and learning from her what that's all about. I had some practice with my younger siblings, though I'm afraid I would have fit into the "bossy mother" category most of our growing up years. Sorry, sibs. I even practiced changing diapers and wiping bums - good, practical, on-the-job experience.

As a kindgergarten/Grade One teacher, I had my share of mothering practice. But the kids were generally well behaved at school, and they went home at 3:30 to misbehave for their parents.

Another phase of motherhood started when I was pregnant in 2003 - wondering, worrying, and waiting for what would come. And in December 2003 - the gift of life: Zoe. Her name means "life" in Greek, and she certainly brought new life. Helped me see the world through different eyes, and burst my heart into a million pieces just watching her tiny perfect body sleep. Her energy and inquiring mind inspires me.

And then in 2006 - a gift during the hot summer months where earthly paradise abounds: Eden. Her name means "earthly paradise" in Hebrew. She has grown me in countless ways, forced out of the ground like a humid, hothouse flower. Her calm spirit is a balm to my soul.

Two very different babies, and now children, who have helped me expand in countless ways.

I'm terribly grateful to my own mom, in ways I'm still just beginning to understand. Words cannot express. She still helps me along the way, as a guide on the side - not wanting to step on my toes, even though I sometimes want her to. I feel like she gave me stable roots and strong wings.

And my grandmas - I miss you, and am thankful for the ways you taught me to mother. And so many other friends, aunts, a mother-in-law, cousins, countless women who've been my mentors on this journey...

I'd like to think that I'd be a mother even if I never had kids of my "own." Because who needs to "own" a child anyway? Isn't the whole point to give them a place to grow into the people they're meant to be? Anyone can do that. Doesn't have to be strictly a parenting role. Perhaps we're all in the process of mommyfication - both women and men - of learning to nurture and grow those around us, of encouraging roots to grow deep and wings to fly high.

 And you? Who has taught you to mother/nurture those around you? What experiences made you become more "mommyfied"?

creation cruelty??

We spent a wonderful few hours at the Waterloo Earth Day celebrations today. Lovely day, perfect weather for planting trees, holding snakes, watching owls and falcons, building birdhouses, eating hotdogs. It was terrific.

There was, however, a moment that totally caught me off guard. Eden was making a cool bookmark craft. There was a piece of fabric set on the table. She was told to put violet and forsythia flowers onto the fabric, cover them with waxed paper, then hammer the heck out of them. Here's what it looked like when she was done:

Neat, eh? I'd never seen this craft before. The colours from the flowers and leaves are dyed onto the fabric in neat designs. She was proud, and so was the 3 year old hammering next to her. The 3 year old's mother, on the other hand, was a different story. Here's how that story went:

3 year old: (hammering away at the flowers, but the waxed paper keeps slipping away on her)
Craft leader to 3 year old's mom: Do you mind just holding the waxed paper for her?
3 year old's mom: No, I can't.
3 year old: (continues to hammer away, waxed paper continues to slide)
Craft leader to 3 year old's mom: Do you mind helping? If you just hold the paper for her, it'd be much easier.
3 year old's mom: No, I'm actually against this activity. I don't think it's nature friendly. I think it's actually quite cruel.

The 3 year old finished her craft and showed it proudly to her mom. Her mom said, "Hm."

I looked down at the mom's leather shoes. And the plastic container of Huggies disposable wipes in her hand. And the juice box in her other hand. And wondered about the rest of her wardrobe, and the rest of her life. If this craft is considered cruelty, what else was I doing on a daily basis that could fit into this cruel category?

A few things came to mind quite quickly:

1. We drive a car at least once a day. This qualifies as cruelty to all of creation because of the fumes and the use of a non-renewable resource.
2. I wear leather shoes. No idea how those cows were treated, or how environmentally friendly the chemicals used in dying the leather or creating the rubber soles were.
3. I kill mosquitoes any chance I can get. Ants on the counter top? Them too.
4. I loathe mice. If I found one in our house, I would find a way to do away with it.
5. I eat vegetables. Is that being cruel to the vegetable to eat it?
6. I eat meat. Obviously cruel.

Where does the cruel line start and where does it end? Seems like a pretty sad life, to see a flower craft as cruel. But maybe I'm wrong. When I think about an average day, I can list more things that are creation cruel than creation care.

What do you see as creation cruelty? Have you changed anything about your lifestyle to care for creation in better ways?

ironic blessing

A friend stayed at our house last weekend - someone who's very intentional about nurturing children's spirituality. Our daughters wanted her to do the bedtime routine - stories, prayers, etc. The thing that my daughters loved most (and have asked for ever since) was a blessing that she said to them.

My friend told me about this, and called it the "Aaronic Blessing." I heard "ironic blessing," was a bit puzzled, and vowed to learn more about what this ironic blessing was.

So... here it is! The Aaronic blessing from Numbers 6:24-26: (spoken by God to Moses, to tell Aaron and his sons the way to bless the Israelite people)

"The LORD bless you and keep you;

the LORD make his face to shine upon you,

and be gracious to you;

the LORD lift up his countenance upon you,

and give you peace."

This is how we've adapted it: "May God bless you and keep you, and may God's face shine upon you and give you peace."

What a great way to go to sleep, eh? I heard Eden blessing her stuffed bunny with this Aaronic blessing tonight.

But back to irony and blessings. Have you ever felt ironically blessed? Situational irony is when actions taken result in an effect exactly opposite from what was intended. A friend of mine was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS years ago. She called this a blessing - a second chance to change her life. I've heard of others who talk of hardship in their lives as a blessing. I hope that I will have the strength to see my own hardships as ironic blessings when they come. The kind of super-faith that can still give thanks even in the midst of despair.

But what would a profound reflection on irony be without Alanis Morissette?

I'm a bit hard-pressed to find examples of irony in this song, though. "Rain on a wedding day"? It's actually an Irish blessing (I know, because it rained on my wedding day). Maybe that's Alanis' version of an ironic blessing. Most of her other examples just seem like unfortunate circumstances. Not really ironic. "A traffic jam when you're already late"? Bad luck. "A no smoking sign on your cigarette break"? Too bad for you. "10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife"? Sucks, eh? "Meeting the man of your dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife"? Bad timing, but perhaps an ironic blessing in disguise.

a proposed way of indicating irony,

called the "irony mark"

¡¿Who knew?!