looking back; looking ahead

I was looking in my journal from this time last year. I wrote about my word for 2010 - what the year had meant to me, trying to summarize it in one word. I chose the word "dive" because we had spent 4 months of that year in France, and dove into a new experience. We also dove into an investigation into different kinds of community living and visited 2 ecovillages. A year of a lot of learning and exploring.

Then I tried to choose a word that would lead me into 2011 - prod me on. I couldn't choose one, so I chose two: simplify and connect.

I really like this exercise - of looking back, and looking forward. Of choosing one word to light my way.

So I'm doing it again this year. As 2011 wraps up, I can see how the words "simplify" and "connect" have led me in different ways this past year. I've been inspired to declutter over and over and over again (still not done), to try out blogging as a way of processing ideas and connecting with others, to welcome someone new into our family, and to get better at saying "no" so that I have time for the "yes" things that I really want to do. When I look back, I can see some movement and improvement in some areas where I was yearning for change last year at this time.

The word that keeps popping into my mind for 2012 (can't believe I'm even writing that number!) is: CHERISH. For me, this word has connections to family, friends, community and the earth, and also to the small moments and memories. It means slowing down, breathing evenly, practicing gratefulness, and looking at the world with a sense of wonder.

Some images that say "cherish" to me:

quilts on a clothesline

Eden and a ladybug
Photo credit: Open Shutters Photography

What about you?

What is your word for 2011? What word will light your way in 2012?

I carry your heart

i carry your heart with me

(i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it

(anywhere i go you go, my dear;

and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate

(for you are my fate, my sweet)

i want no world

(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root

and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;

which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart

(i carry it in my heart)

—e. e. cummings

friends

I just spent 3 glorious days at a lakeside cottage with 3 glorious friends and their families.

These are longtime friendships that I deeply cherish, but I'm not so great at keeping in touch. As we've grown up, some years have gone by with little to no contact. We're scattered all over the place - not living in the same town. Facebook has certainly improved things in that department, but I sometimes get a bit annoyed with myself for not keeping in better touch with friends that I love dearly.

If people don't live in my neighbourhood, or go to my church, or have kids that go to my kids' school, or share something else on a weekly basis, a long time can go by before we see each other. Life just goes on. But luckily, these are friendships where no apology is necessary - we can just pick up where we left off, and marvel at the ways we can still connect after all these years. Laughing. Deep conversations. Belly-flop and diving contests. Singing 80s tunes around the campfire. And more laughing.

But it makes me think about intentionality. When I'm intentional about it - actually contact someone and set a date, it's wonderful and we ask each other why we don't do more of it. What I put in is directly related to what I get out of a friendship - if I make an effort to connect, I'm infinitely blessed by our time together. So why don't I do it more often?

a portrait of us, from the knees on down

"The best mirror is an old friend." - George Herbert

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, 

and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." - Anais Nin

How are you intentional about maintaining friendships? What do you do to keep in touch?

messy hospitality

Taking risks in extending hospitality is not something I often do. I play it safe: only invite close friends or family, and only when the house has been sufficiently tidied. So it doesn't usually amount to all that much hosting. I make excuses for not being more hospitable: our place is too small, we're too busy this week, cooking for a crowd stresses me out, we might act too hyper and misbehave (I can be quite unruly at times), and our house is too messy.

Which makes me think about the messiness of hospitality. Because things will never be perfect in our house - we live here, after all, 4 of us messies. And there will never be a perfect food or time or even house. We'd get a bigger house and still I'd make excuses. I need to just do it.

It can be messy to invite people in - you don't know what to expect. Questions swirl in my mind: will they like this food? Will the food turn out? Will there be enough? What will we talk about? Will they have a good time?

But I want to be open to this. To take risks in extending hospitality amidst the messiness of life. To welcome a stranger and to see what gifts could come from our encounter. To step out of what's comfortable. To reshape my priorities. To open my heart and home to someone else. To potentially host an angel.

"Let mutual love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:1-2

Hospitality can be hard work, but I receive so many gifts in return. It can be deeply satisfying, filled with memories that stay with me long after the meal is tidied up.

"Welcome is one of the signs that a community is alive. To invite others to live with us is a sign that we aren't afraid, that we have a treasure of truth and of peace to share. A community which refuses to welcome - whether through fear, weariness, insecurity, a desire to cling to comfort, or just because it is fed up with visitors - is dying spiritually." Jean Vanier

I have been humbled and abundantly blessed by the hospitality of those who have much less than me. Some of my most memorable experiences as a guest were in tiny, poor, or messy places. Or when the people were more important than the food that was served. Where relationships were treasured - regardless of whether the food or home could appear in Martha Stewart's magazine. 


The following is a journal entry that I wrote after visiting a mountain village on the island of Java in Indonesia years ago.

Today I had a lot to learn from the hospitality of the people in Indonesia. We visited a village high in the mountains, climbing worn steps until we saw the tops of the small buildings. We heard the loudspeaker from the mosque announce, “Come and meet our guests!”

Everyone in the village came to greet us - women, men, babies, children, youth. Their routine days stopped in order to accommodate our presence.

They welcomed us into a home. The people were very attentive and made us feel like honoured guests. Our hosts loaded the tables until there was no more room. Plates and bowls filled to the brim. Glasses of sweet palm juice. Piles of small bananas and rambutans and leechee fruits, juicy and sweet like candy as they rolled around in my mouth. Mounds of crispy chips, jiggly emerald puddings, and dried fruit dripping with sugary golden syrup. 

We asked them questions about their village, and they asked us questions about our countries. They told us that their lives were good - that everyone in the village had enough to eat and a house to live in. Then one man asked us, “How did your countries get so rich?” and then “What can we do to get rich like you?”

Those questions have stayed with me. I wanted to tell him that our countries need to learn to be more like his village - to be happy with “enough”, and to not always yearn for bigger and better. But who was I to tell him that? I was a rich person in his eyes. How can a rich person tell someone who is poor not to wish for wealth?

right here. right now.

Do you ever get tired of hearing that we should "live in the moment"? I feel like I hear it all the time, but it's a message that I need to hear because I haven't quite yet learned to master that art.

I watched this youtube clip about mindfulness:

and I wondered why Buddhism gets all the credit for the "living in the moment" philosophy. For me, it's very much part of the Christian message too, but one I often don't pay attention to. It's what I imagine Jesus to be like - living in the moment. And many hermits, monks, and nuns have writings that indicate this importance as well.

But I'd like to believe that it's attainable right here. Right now. Not just on a quiet spiritual retreat or secluded monastery, but in the thick of a full life - of lists and laundry and household chores and deadlines and showing love to others and caring for self.

How many times does Jesus say, "Don't be afraid"? So many. He must have known our tendency toward worry, toward fear, toward thinking ahead of ourselves, or thinking behind and re-hashing the past. I love these words:

"DO NOT WORRY about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these." Matthew 6:25-29

cardinal in our backyard last week

What a great time of year to look at birds and consider flowers and lessen worry and live right here, right now. I love using the camera to expand the moment - make it last just a little longer, and see details my hurried monkey mind would usually overlook. To be on the lookout for gratitudes instead of potential worries. To connect - to the spirit, to those around me, to me.

How about you? Do you need reminders to just "be"? How do you practice mindfulness/expanding the moment?

one word

In December, as part of Reverb 10 writing prompts, I attempted to choose a word to hold as my word for 2011. A word to inspire, motivate, push me on, act as my guide on the side, encourage me to expand who I am. And it was hard to choose just one.

So I chose two:

SIMPLIFY 

and CONNECT.

And the two are related to me. The more I simplify - my thoughts, my possessions, my home, my involvements - the greater capacity and time I have to connect with others - my family, friends, earth, self, and God. The more time I have for surprises, spontaneity, and play to enter too. Connecting can take other forms too - like this blog.

I've been reading The Call by Oriah (HarperOne, 2003). In this book, Oriah encourages us to find and embody the one word we are each called to live/teach/be/share with the world. A tall order. But it intrigues me. A quote from the book:

Remember - there is one word you are here to say with your whole being. When it finds you, give your life to it.

She says we should give ourselves completely to this word - or to our struggle with this word. Oriah's word is "rest" - and she finds it VERY hard to do that. She writes:

Living your word means opening the door that fear has closed.

It was hard for me to choose one word for the year, let alone finding one word for my life. What would I choose? Create? Collaborate? Communicate? All things I love to do, so they don't have that "edge" that she refers to. Things that I find hard to do: fail, finish what I've started, resist thrift store deals, clean up around the house, say no to interesting-sounding-projects, act out of courage instead of fear, and rest. But all of those feel a bit heavy to take on as my "word."

Perhaps "voice." For years, I've wondered if I had one. I participated in a 7-month study tour to India, Indonesia, and North American native communities way back when. We studied issues of peace and conflict in the various places we visited. It was truly fascinating and life-changing. One native elder in Canada met with our group near the end of our 7 months together and said, "Sound your voice. You have been given a gift. The gift is not for you to keep to yourselves; it is for the people."

Those words have stayed with me. How often I can think of my life as boring, average, with no words to offer. But I'm beginning to hope that I can offer something. And I know that I love to give voice to others' stories too. So there. Voice. I'll sit with that for awhile and see how it feels as my "life" word.

someone who's not afraid to sound her voice

(or at least her fashion sense)

And you? What words are you embodying for this year? For your life?