tidings of comfort and joy

Time to catch up after the weekend... questions for reflection for the last couple of days:

December 8: What brought you pain in the last year? 

December 9: Where did you find comfort during these painful times? If you could make a comfort bag for yourself, what would be in it?

In my comfort bag:

• rice bag that gets heated in the microwave and says "cherish" on it. I put it around my shoulders and feel very comforted.
• dark chocolate with sea salt
• photos of loved ones
• a letter from my grandma
• a scrapbook of encouraging cards/notes I've received over the years
• chai latte or other teas
• a journal

In Derek's comfort bag: 

• a big screen TV where he could watch professional sports
• chips and popcorn
• something written by Umberto Eco
• a Bible
• Madden football for xbox or Play Station
• coffee or ginger ale or ale of some sort
• Settlers or some other 3-hour long board game
• baked brie with crackers

[Derek's comfort bag would need to be much larger than mine.]

I'm remembering last year, when I gave my parents and siblings gifts of comfort and joy. Here are the contents if you need a last minute idea. They were a lot of fun to make and put together. Here's what they looked like:

December 10: Advent week 2 is about joy. What brings you joy? How can you continue these joyful experiences in the new year? How can you use your list to bring joy to others?

JOY: Bollywood dancing, live theatre, making crafts with my daughters, thoughtful friends, a surprise note or gift, when people share their time with me and don't make me feel like they have something better to do or that they have to rush on to something else, finding a bargain at the thrift store, collaborating, an hour to read fiction on the weekend, visiting my parent's farm where I grew up, when people cook for me (I love any meal I don't have to make myself...maybe except some hot pot meats I ate while in China like sheep brains and cow's throat)

what I know about me

December 7th: What do you know about yourself? Pick a number - could be your age, could be a random number bigger than 20 but smaller than 120. Could be 100! Then start writing things you know about yourself. There are many lists of "100 things about me" online. I decided to start with my age, but then I kept going because I was having so much fun.

1. When I was young, I thought that the perfect honeymoon destination would be Disney World in Florida.
2. I like to get cards where someone has taken the time to write something personal. Sometimes that's what I ask my husband to give me for my birthday. 
3. I had a boyfriend from grade 4-6. This meant that we picked each other on teams at recess and he gave me a small stuffed bunny for Valentine's day one year. We didn't ever break up, but things fizzled out when we entered the larger pool of potential mates in grade 7.
4. I had a mullet in grade 6. 
5. My grade 6 French teacher called me rambunctious.
6. I was sent to the principal's office in grade 11 for talking back to my French teacher. 
7. I wanted to be fluent in French before I got married. I wasn't. Still not.
8. I was blessed by Mother Teresa in Calcutta.
9. I was blessed by an elephant in the south of India.
10. I was sick for a week in a hospital in Jakarta, Indonesia. I wondered if I'd ever walk again.
11. I love sushi.
12. On the Myers-Briggs test, I score smack-dab in the middle between introvert and extravert. It severely annoys me when people lump others into introvert/extravert categories. I resist these generalizations as much as possible. 
13. I have a soft spot for garage sales and thrift stores.
14. I had a poster of Bono Vox in my locker in high school.
15. I missed U2's Joshua Tree concert to go to a cross-country running meet in Rochester, NY instead. Stupid decision that I'll always regret.
16. While others were renting limos to go to the formal in grade 12, my friends and I decorated a van, complete with signs that said "party van" and tissue flowers. Instead of an expensive dinner at an expensive restaurant, we had a progressive dinner at our various houses.
17. I have a very sweet tooth.
18. I often wonder what I really and truly believe.
19. Sometimes I feel I have more in common with a Buddhist than another Christian.
20. I don't like malls.
21. The idea of a house church really intrigues me.
22. I don't feel like I'm a good cook. This stops me from hosting more. So does a messy house, but this has been improving lately.
23. I speed often, even though I attended a "speed kills" workshop after getting so many points on my record that they threatened to take away my license. 
24. I'm chronically late, which causes me to speed. I learned this in the workshop.
25. It really bothers me when airlines don't offer a free snack.
26. I love thunderstorms, especially at night.
27. I love The Sound of Music, especially the thunderstorm part.
28. I have little sense of orientation. North, West, South, East mean very little to me.
29. I would not make a good hockey mom. I used to get very upset at the players and refs when I'd go to my younger brother's games. I just can't shut my mouth when someone's being pushed around.
30. The toilet seat should be down. I learned this from feng shui, and it just makes sense.
31. I don't like it when people over-use the period. just. like. this. 
32. My cousin and I used to spend hours making tape cassettes with Hardy Boy adventures on them. We had amazing, realistic sound effects. When we needed a water splash, one of us jumped into the pool. She was Frank, I was Joe.
33. I have a learned helplessness with things like operating the TV and DVD player and making popcorn.
34. I can't nap or I feel just awful.
35. I love to travel. Favourite place: India. Second favourite: Guatemala.
36. If I could pick someone to narrate my life, it would be Morgan Freeman. 
37. I really enjoyed my brother's skateboard phase in high school, and I memorized several raps from his RUN DMC tape. I still know them.
38. In high school, my friend and I used to make up raps as birthday presents for friends. I'm pretty sure they appreciated them. 
39. I would love to live on a farm except without all the chores.
40. I would love to live near water some day, even just for a month. Ocean is preferable.
41. I would like to learn to ride a motorcycle some day. My time on dirt bikes and four-wheelers in the gravel pit in high school was awesome.
42. I think I'll be fine if I never get a tattoo.
43. I still don't really get the point of cell phones.
44. I didn't have Barbie dolls when I was young. I had the Sunshine family (complete with mom, dad, baby, grandma, grandpa) and Cindy (less voluptuous). But I had an awesome laundry machine for Cindy that was battery operated and you could put real water in. 
45. I regret cutting bangs on my Mandie doll.
46. I love Cheerios any time of the day.
47. I love Bollywood music. I know it's mostly about love and relationships, but this is what I hear when I listen to it: "life is great, don't you think! Have fun, you're awesome, you've got one life to live so live it well." 
48. I love salsa and merengue music. I know it's mostly about love and relationships, and the message I hear when I listen to it is the same as what's above.
49. I had a pet raccoon for one summer when I was young. I wrote a speech about him.
50. I had umpteen books about Princess Diana (still have several favourites, including Pop-Up Royal Wedding and Charles and Diana paper dolls). I wrote a speech about her. 
51. I love to travel and meet new people, try new foods, experience new things.
52. I was in a gifted math program in grade 10 and I have no idea why. I suck at numbers.
53. It annoys me when people say that they're spiritual and not religious. Yes - you and everyone else I know.
54. I can't play long and involved board games. Bored games. My husband sure can.
55. I love the smell of coffee, but not the taste. Ever since I went to India in 1995, I have loved chai tea. 
56. I am not a gadget freak. I'm the opposite.
57. Some of my childhood heroes were Pippi Longstocking, Anne of Green Gables, Ramona, and Laura from Little House on the Prairie.
58. Some of my adulthood heroes are Deborah Ellis (love her books for kids) and Anne Lamott (love her irreverent writing).
59. Last week I bought a sign at the thrift store that says "Dull women have immaculate houses" and put it in a prominent place.
60. It makes me very happy to bring beauty to a room.
61. I skied in the French Jura mountains. 
    
62. I went scuba diving off the coast of northern Honduran islands. It scared the heck out of me until I saw the fish, then I forgot all about the many possible ways I could die while hooked up to a tank underwater. It was an absolutely beautiful world. A whole new world, as Ariel would say.
63. I camped at the top of a huge waterfall in Morocco where we saw monkeys every morning and went to sleep to the sound of the falls. It's one of the most beautiful places I've seen.
64. I played some sort of gourd in a salsa band in Cuba. 
65. I'm not a big fan of routine.
66. Although I don't love routine, I love tradition - creating and maintaining meaningful rituals and celebrations.
67. Seeing children and youth perform anything can bring me to tears.
68. Listening to Christmas music can bring me to tears.
69. I've never been a girly-girl but I actually like having my nails french-manicured for a treat.
70. I like to talk to the people I sit beside on an airplane. I love hearing people's stories and finding our points of connection.
71. I was nervous as heck to make this blog public in March of 2011.

skiing in the Jura mountains

salsa band in Cuba

I'm dreaming of a . . .

December 6th: Is there something you're dreaming of doing that you've put off? Can you make this happen in the new year?

Playing in a steel drum band. Whenever I hear this music, like at a Santa Claus parade or something, it just makes me feel extremely happy. And warm, like I'm on a lovely Caribbean beach, dipping my toes in the salty ocean, collecting shells, snorkelling. Ahhh.

artificial vs. the real deal

December 5th: What parts of you are artificial or fake? What parts are the real deal? (and I'm not talking body parts here, I'm talking characteristics) Who are you at your most real?

We had a debate, my husband and I, over what type of Christmas tree to purchase this year. Our small artificial tree, bought 11 years ago at the Stouffville MCC Care and Share Thrift Store for $5.00, had broken.  So we wondered: do we go artificial or real?

Here was the conversation, as I remember it:

Him: Christmas trees are on sale at Canadian Tire.

Me: You mean fake ones?

Him: Yes - for about $75, we can have a tree that would last us until we die.

Me: But I don't think I want one tree until I die. I was really looking forward to having a real tree this year. I love the smell, and they're just so much more, well, real.

Him: Why would you pay $75 to cut down a real tree that you're just going to throw out after Christmas? (he doesn't shop for real trees that often, so he's exaggerating prices to support his argument)

Me: It's more environmentally friendly. I've read statistics that show that. Plus it smells nice and it won't lay in a dump EVER.

Him: [silence]

Me: I've been wanting a real tree for so long, can't we just have one this year?

Him: We could buy a real one and a fake one - we have room in this house for more than one tree. (this sounds like a great compromise, right?)

Me: I think that one is enough.

One day passes. Then I happen upon a "tree farm" set up last Saturday at our local MCC Generations thrift store. More than a dozen trees are standing up outside the store, just waiting to be bought and decorated. They look beautiful. They are fake.

I wrestle inside myself for a few minutes, then decide. This $35 will go to relief and development work. We'll have a tree that has had some merry Christmases in other houses before ours. I like that. A tree with memories. Plus, it will last us until we die.

So we have a lovely fake tree in our family room now. And everyone is happy.

not-quite-decorated tree,
but features 2 felted reindeer heads
that daughters and I created

But back to the question of the day: I am most real when I am creating or connecting with people. When I am doing work that I believe in. When I'm using my voice - either through writing or speaking or collaborating with others. When I'm reading to and praying with my kids at bedtime. I'm most fake when I feel I have to prove myself to others.

Another random thought that connects if you're in my brain: on December 1, 1055 Rosa Parks was arrested and fined on December 5th for refusing to give up her seat on the bus to a white man, sparking the Montgomery bus boycott. She was the real deal.

hopes and fears of all the years

December 4th: What fears do you want to leave behind as you enter the new year?

Turning 40. I know it's silly. It's just a number, right? But I'm keenly feeling it - that my days in my 30s are numbered now. Any advice for how to usher in this milestone in positive ways is more than welcome.

treasured gifts

December 3rd: What gifts have you treasured this year?

This is an easy one: I got a home that feels like home. We lived in our previous house for more than 6 years, and it never felt like home. We've been here for less than 6 months, and I frequently find myself saying to myself, "I'm home." That is a good, good feeling and I feel blessed. I can now say, "Home is where the heart/h is." I'm settled, I'm home, and I feel it in a very deep part of me.

there's just something about old grates...

a peek at a corner

an apple bobbing party in the backyard

along with an adult-kid tug-of-war in the leaves

the hearth

the past year in a word

December 2nd: What one word would sum up this past year for you?

Yes, I'm back on this one word kick again. I'm a word-lover, so this is one of my favourite things to do to usher in a new year. Choose one word.

This past year, the word I chose was cherish.

But as I look back, the word I'd pick to describe this past year is change. There have been many changes in our lives - we sold our old house and bought a new one, moved, worked on our new house, got to know a new neighbourhood and new neighbours and a new school, my youngest started her full-time school career (started grade one), I started a new job that's almost fulltime (the most I've officially worked outside of hearth-tending since Eden was born 6 years ago), and there has been a lot of 4 day travel trips for work in the past fall season (Indiana, Edmonton, Indiana -- you know, all of the hot destinations). My husband's work was especially demanding this fall too. I'm amazed that we have remembered to feed and clothe our kids through it all.

Another word would be full. Overall, it's been too full - from February til now. I'm usually a fan of full lives, but this has been full to overflowing - in a bad way. Right now, I want less.

This weekend has been less. We had absolutely nothing on our calendars, and it was a little taste of heaven. We put up a Christmas tree, lit some candles, nurtured a fevered child, made Colombian chicken soup, and listened to our favourite Christmas CDs. It was just what I needed. I want to carry this "less" into the Christmas season and beyond - so that I don't feel so harried and rushed and stuffed to the brim. Makes me think of those squirrels in our backyards with well-fed tummies and chubby cheeks - they're preparing for winter. They're allowed to be stuffed. It's good for them to be stuffed. Can't say the same for me.

hope

I like to spend December reflecting on the year that's almost done, and anticipating the year to come.  This Advent I want to have one question for each day of December to help me to do that. You're welcome to join in the reflecting fun!

Since the first week of Advent is about hope, that's where I'll start.

Dec. 1st: What has given you hope this year?

• hearing from family and friends who work in South Africa - about programs where people work with the most marginalized and inspire them to social action/transformation. I find that incredibly hopeful and inspirational.
• releasing 5 monarch butterflies this summer. Always with a hope and a prayer.
• reading "Do Hard Things" written by 2 youth, and seeing youth around me taking initiative and changing things. Having higher expectations of children and youth gives me hope.
• my children. Constantly a source of hope, they help me to see through new eyes.
• holding chickadees, and other experiences that connect us to the land and to creation.