I'm dreaming of a . . .

December 6th: Is there something you're dreaming of doing that you've put off? Can you make this happen in the new year?

Playing in a steel drum band. Whenever I hear this music, like at a Santa Claus parade or something, it just makes me feel extremely happy. And warm, like I'm on a lovely Caribbean beach, dipping my toes in the salty ocean, collecting shells, snorkelling. Ahhh.

artificial vs. the real deal

December 5th: What parts of you are artificial or fake? What parts are the real deal? (and I'm not talking body parts here, I'm talking characteristics) Who are you at your most real?

We had a debate, my husband and I, over what type of Christmas tree to purchase this year. Our small artificial tree, bought 11 years ago at the Stouffville MCC Care and Share Thrift Store for $5.00, had broken.  So we wondered: do we go artificial or real?

Here was the conversation, as I remember it:

Him: Christmas trees are on sale at Canadian Tire.

Me: You mean fake ones?

Him: Yes - for about $75, we can have a tree that would last us until we die.

Me: But I don't think I want one tree until I die. I was really looking forward to having a real tree this year. I love the smell, and they're just so much more, well, real.

Him: Why would you pay $75 to cut down a real tree that you're just going to throw out after Christmas? (he doesn't shop for real trees that often, so he's exaggerating prices to support his argument)

Me: It's more environmentally friendly. I've read statistics that show that. Plus it smells nice and it won't lay in a dump EVER.

Him: [silence]

Me: I've been wanting a real tree for so long, can't we just have one this year?

Him: We could buy a real one and a fake one - we have room in this house for more than one tree. (this sounds like a great compromise, right?)

Me: I think that one is enough.

One day passes. Then I happen upon a "tree farm" set up last Saturday at our local MCC Generations thrift store. More than a dozen trees are standing up outside the store, just waiting to be bought and decorated. They look beautiful. They are fake.

I wrestle inside myself for a few minutes, then decide. This $35 will go to relief and development work. We'll have a tree that has had some merry Christmases in other houses before ours. I like that. A tree with memories. Plus, it will last us until we die.

So we have a lovely fake tree in our family room now. And everyone is happy.

not-quite-decorated tree,
but features 2 felted reindeer heads
that daughters and I created

But back to the question of the day: I am most real when I am creating or connecting with people. When I am doing work that I believe in. When I'm using my voice - either through writing or speaking or collaborating with others. When I'm reading to and praying with my kids at bedtime. I'm most fake when I feel I have to prove myself to others.

Another random thought that connects if you're in my brain: on December 1, 1055 Rosa Parks was arrested and fined on December 5th for refusing to give up her seat on the bus to a white man, sparking the Montgomery bus boycott. She was the real deal.

hopes and fears of all the years

December 4th: What fears do you want to leave behind as you enter the new year?

Turning 40. I know it's silly. It's just a number, right? But I'm keenly feeling it - that my days in my 30s are numbered now. Any advice for how to usher in this milestone in positive ways is more than welcome.

treasured gifts

December 3rd: What gifts have you treasured this year?

This is an easy one: I got a home that feels like home. We lived in our previous house for more than 6 years, and it never felt like home. We've been here for less than 6 months, and I frequently find myself saying to myself, "I'm home." That is a good, good feeling and I feel blessed. I can now say, "Home is where the heart/h is." I'm settled, I'm home, and I feel it in a very deep part of me.

there's just something about old grates...

a peek at a corner

an apple bobbing party in the backyard

along with an adult-kid tug-of-war in the leaves

the hearth

the past year in a word

December 2nd: What one word would sum up this past year for you?

Yes, I'm back on this one word kick again. I'm a word-lover, so this is one of my favourite things to do to usher in a new year. Choose one word.

This past year, the word I chose was cherish.

But as I look back, the word I'd pick to describe this past year is change. There have been many changes in our lives - we sold our old house and bought a new one, moved, worked on our new house, got to know a new neighbourhood and new neighbours and a new school, my youngest started her full-time school career (started grade one), I started a new job that's almost fulltime (the most I've officially worked outside of hearth-tending since Eden was born 6 years ago), and there has been a lot of 4 day travel trips for work in the past fall season (Indiana, Edmonton, Indiana -- you know, all of the hot destinations). My husband's work was especially demanding this fall too. I'm amazed that we have remembered to feed and clothe our kids through it all.

Another word would be full. Overall, it's been too full - from February til now. I'm usually a fan of full lives, but this has been full to overflowing - in a bad way. Right now, I want less.

This weekend has been less. We had absolutely nothing on our calendars, and it was a little taste of heaven. We put up a Christmas tree, lit some candles, nurtured a fevered child, made Colombian chicken soup, and listened to our favourite Christmas CDs. It was just what I needed. I want to carry this "less" into the Christmas season and beyond - so that I don't feel so harried and rushed and stuffed to the brim. Makes me think of those squirrels in our backyards with well-fed tummies and chubby cheeks - they're preparing for winter. They're allowed to be stuffed. It's good for them to be stuffed. Can't say the same for me.

hope

I like to spend December reflecting on the year that's almost done, and anticipating the year to come.  This Advent I want to have one question for each day of December to help me to do that. You're welcome to join in the reflecting fun!

Since the first week of Advent is about hope, that's where I'll start.

Dec. 1st: What has given you hope this year?

• hearing from family and friends who work in South Africa - about programs where people work with the most marginalized and inspire them to social action/transformation. I find that incredibly hopeful and inspirational.
• releasing 5 monarch butterflies this summer. Always with a hope and a prayer.
• reading "Do Hard Things" written by 2 youth, and seeing youth around me taking initiative and changing things. Having higher expectations of children and youth gives me hope.
• my children. Constantly a source of hope, they help me to see through new eyes.
• holding chickadees, and other experiences that connect us to the land and to creation. 

Advent calendar ideas

If you're like me, you woke up this morning shocked that it was the last day of November.

What does this mean, you ask? Advent calendars go up TOMORROW!

I always like to have an Advent calendar in December. I shy away from the chocolate-y ones, and have opted for one that I can put a little message in every day. We've indulged in Playmobil ones in the past, but I don't see a great need for more Advent playmobil sets here.

Here's a post I did last year with a variety of ideas for Advent calendars - made of paper, socks, fabric.

And this my idea for this year: a photo memory Advent calendar. This calendar made me think of printing off photos of Christmases past and putting one up every day. I'm going to try to post them in a shape like this as the month goes on. We'll see what it ends up looking like!

I think it will be fun to relive memories of Christmases past, as well as look ahead to our Christmas celebrations this year.

Off I go to print off photos! And it's even snowing. Perfect.

A little update (Dec. 2): my youngest was less than impressed with this photo Advent calendar idea, but I'm sticking with it. I think that by day 25 it will look wonderful and bring back lots of memories. She hauled out the calendar I made last year with one little instruction/idea on it every day. That made me a bit nervous, because experience has taught me that while it's fun to create calendars like that, it's hard to follow through. Like when it says make Christmas cookies on a day when you don't have any of the ingredients around. So, I proposed a reverse kind of Advent calendar for Eden this year. Every day, we will write something down AT THE END OF THE DAY that we did to prepare for Christmas. December 1st: bought a Christmas tree. Success! We'll see what we write at the end of today...

Another update (Dec. 26): I think this was my favourite Advent calendar ever. The girls really liked seeing photos of Christmases past. 

Here's the evidence:

Here's another Advent calendar idea I'd love to do with our Hallowe'en candy next year. Brilliant!

tangible prayers

There is a group at our church that meets each week to make prayer shawls. They knit these shawls and have a stash kept at church that people can draw from for various reasons. The church gives out a prayer shawl to 18 year olds in the church as a way of wrapping them with love and prayers in their 18th year as they chart new territory and are sent out into the work or post-secondary school world. It's always a moving time to see the shawls presented and to hear the parents talk about their children.

The shawls are also given to people who are going through a hard time or illness, or who are preparing for a challenge. My husband was given a shawl when he was about to defend his Ph.D. dissertation. Our family was given a shawl to take to France with us for our 4 month sabbatical, as a reminder of our church's prayers and support for us while we were gone. We felt very blessed by these tangible expressions of prayer and love.

My daughters and their friend had a meaningful opportunity to give a prayer shawl this past Sunday. I will never forget this experience, and I doubt they will either. A friend of Eden's has been going through treatments for brain cancer. We visited him at his home and the girls gave him prayer shawl along with a big card from the children at our church. When they finished telling him about the card and shawl, he said, "That's the nicest story I've ever heard."

Because of his brain surgery, his sight, speech and mobility have been affected. But his spark is still there. He cracked jokes, laughed loudly, and played a mean game of Connect 4 with his guests. Since visiting him, we have shed many tears for a world where a 6 year old like Nolan could get brain cancer. We are praying fervently for Nolan's brain and body to be restored. Will you join us?