When my daughter Eden woke up to snow on the ground this morning, she said, "Mom, I think it's a training wheels spring. It's trying really hard to be spring, but it's not quite ready yet."
I loved this, and thought of the many ways that I am "training wheels." Many days, I feel like a training wheels parent, a training wheels wife, a training wheels writer, etc. etc. etc. I have this feeling like I haven't quite arrived, and that I need to prove to myself that I really am the real deal.
Eden is wishing lately that she would be 5. July seems like too far away, and she's tired of being 4. She's very conscious of ways that she wants to grow up and improve - she wants to read, write, swim, hold babies, take care of animals, and many other activities. And she boldly and fearlessly takes them on and sees herself as the real thing - a reader, writer, swimmer, biker - because she sees her progress and is proud. This past week, she graduated from her running bike (a great invention, by the way) to a 2-wheeler bike WITH NO TRAINING WHEELS. She's immensely proud of this accomplishment, and sees herself as a real bike rider now - it has graduated her into an older child category, in her mind at least.
I wonder what fears hold me back from seeing myself as the real thing - a real parent, a real wife, a real writer with a real voice. This reminds me of a favourite quote by Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
I think I'm ready for the training wheels to come off... one of these days.